Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Imaginary Linux Interview from Hell Part 1

I am not a sane person, I have never claimed to be. I even have papers to prove it. But recently I was asked to interview out of state which I have done before. The interview went well, however I am not here to talk about that interview, I am here to talk about the interview I thought I had. An interview by the universe, that involves puzzle solving, spying, lockpicking, and various mind fuckery.

 Let's start the morning of the flight to the location. Grab my bags, and my pocket notebook. I go to check my phone before we head to the airport, oops butterfingers, phone is broken. Will not boot. **FUCK** The test begins now. For the rest of this post, which is the surreal test I thought I was being given as an interview and not at all the actual interview, please listen to or pretend to listen to all the good Flaming Lips albums.

I arrive at the airport, make it through security fairly unharmed, only minor testicle feelage. There was no first class on my flight, but I was one of two of the first boarding group, group 1. Group 1 is usually a large group this seemed unusual, also I had the best seat in the plane. I was sitting in the first seat on the row, like the best seat. Do you understand, first in, first out seat. FIFO seat, for real.

This is when the crazy wheels in my head start turning. Are they fucking with me? Best seat? What was the extra they paid for this seat...sure there is no first class, but prime seating has a seat price...this is crazy....Somethings wrong.

Do they think I have a better a skill set than I have? I'm pretty sure I'm interviewing for one of their lowest technical positions...fuck what is going on.

Get off the plane. Go to pick up my rental car. The AVIS lady asks if I want my BMW. I'm like, I'm sorry what. I realize it's probably just an up sale. I'm like no, I want what they got me. She asks a bunch of other shit. I turn down the navigation system. I do accept gas refill and full coverage insurance, I'm not crazy. Until I get in the car at least. I know they paid for the navigation thing, I keep thinking. I'm pretty sure it's in my email. Wait what?!? Does that mean...they paid for the bmw service too. Surely not, whatever. Without a phone or navigation, I navigate from the city hub, to the suburb I need to be know, eyeballing a normal person. Did they know I wasn't going to have a phone/navigation system...of course not. No way. Maybe. Yeah. It's a test.

I arrive at the hotel. It's an inn. As in like, a B and B. I have worries. Sitcom worries, what about privacy, what if I have to share a bathroom. I have an interview I need to monopolize that bitch for a while.What about forced activities? That seems like a thing that happens in sitcoms. I walk up to the door. I try to open the door, no dice. I ring the doorbell, I knock no dice. I look at the door, there is some sort of intricate mechanism on it. The paranoia that was tenuously grasping my mind, now dunks on it. It was like some sort of mechanical 18th century keyless entry. Clearly a test by the linux interviewees. I must pick the lock.

Or that was that just the thought of an errant crazy person.As I was reaching for the lock I remembered I was in visible view of local police officer, and thought you know what, I'll just come back at check in time.
So I went to a fast food joint with wifi so I could get in contact with people, let the company know I made it the flight was ok and I was about to check in at the hotel. Contact people back home through google voice, you know all that.

A few hours later after stoping at taco bell tand walmart (#cultured). I returned to the hotel where someone greeted me and I was given a room that had it's own exit. And I should say I was given rooms. There was an area for entertaining, like a living room. And a bedroom and an enormous bathroom. The whole thing seemed overly expensive and ornate. I was happy to have it but felt like I wasn't deserving. The room was complete with a pillow of a cat in a dress, with cleavage. (I couldn't find an amazon link for this, I'm so sorry)

I remember all the airbnb stories about people setting up cameras and what not, perhaps my interviewing company had done the same to me, so I pulled out an old arp script I wrote. After all even I had built a raspberry pi camera, with opencv.

I fired up the arp script and waited for the enumeration.

Part 2 to come.

*If you're from the company I interviewed with, please understand I am not really this insane, I just want laughs and blog clicks. Or I'm a crazy person, you're probably hiring a crazy person. But he's stupid good at linux and he cares about solving problems. So you know weigh it out.

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